A Window into Life in the Suburbs


"Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these." Luke 12:27 (NIV)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Cosmic Parenting

Lately I feel as if I'm going through an existential crisis.
Last night, I toddled off to bed early, exhausted by squabbling siblings, defiant gestures and fell apart emotionally. I was an emotional basket case.
No doubt, tiredness had a lot to do with it. But it suddenly occurred to me that my life was turning into a meaningless cycle of repetitious mummy sayings like "do this, stop that, come here, take turns..."
Scintillating stuff.
Pity the pay sucks majorly.

It also occurred to me how bad I am at this parenting thing... Really awful.
And that I'm losing the battle of wills.

I was depressed. I say, "was" because today I feel a tad better about my place in the universe.

Sometimes... no, not just sometimes. Quite often, I wonder why the Almightly, in his infinite wisdom, has seen fit to entrust me not with one but two children.
It's quite the mystery... not in the Agatha Christie kind of way but in the Job kind of way.
Of course, I'm not comparing myself to this long-suffering Old Testament saint. Goodness knows, I would have leapt off the nearest cliff somewhere in Chapter 3.
But it's about the cosmic question of the ages... "Why me?" A common question in such instances.
But then the "Why not me..." echoes in reply.

Having offspring is the most normal thing in the world to do. And yet, surely it is one of the most difficult, if not the most difficult.
It requires so much of you... all of you... mind, body and soul... even when you're running on empty. How does one do it?

There's a hint of it in John 15. Jesus said, "Without me, you can do nothing."

Yeah, I knew that. Read it many times. Even prayed it out loud at prayer meetings.
But I've been going around like a parenting atheist. As if it's about me. As if it all depends on me.

The old Motown hit by Dionne Warwick, "Stop! In the name of Love." pops into the brain.
It's good to stop... necessary even... especially when all I do is "go, go, go."
Could explain why I'm going insane.

It really is grace... all of it...

2 comments:

  1. Always a good read.

    My family are on holiday at the moment and I miss them like crazy. I empathise with you wholeheartedly: It is an onerous almost thankless task being a parent. I love it still. I am waiting with baited breath for the day when they say 'I did not ask to be born'. That is when I will ask why me. Good morning.

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  2. LOL.
    Maybe one day I will learn to "love it" too. Right now it's just... "I don't mind it most of the time."

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